Fear as the roadmap of our illusions

There's an age-old teaching that has to do with the importance of being able to discern between a rope and a snake when it is in your presence.   That's so easy, you say...a rope and a snake are so different - it should only be in rare and unusual moments that one gets mistaken for the other.  Ok, so granted, when we mistake a rope for a snake in the moment, we might be tired or stressed in some way, it may be dark out, or our attention and field of focus is somehow split so that we don't really see or sense clearly what's in front of us.

The whole exercise gets a bit more complicated when we address the areas where we have been culturally conditioned to see a snake when in fact there is just a rope....or perhaps nothing at all.  Being the egoic creatures that we are, shattering any mirror of illusion that we've carried with us for a good part of a lifetime can be a profoundly humbling experience.  Bottom line is that, unless we are fully enlightened, we've all constructed our lives on the basis of certain illusions, and it requires a great deal of humbleness and humility to own and accept that...not to mention grief, loss, disillusionment, despair and defeat on shattering the illusions....followed by the willingness to pick up the pieces, regroup, reconstruct and move forward with a renewed and restored appetite for life.

As I wrote the last sentence, I was graced with the wonderful comic image of the somewhat hapless Agent 86, Maxwell Smart, tripping over something right in front of him, falling flat on his face into a pile of rubbish, and then immediately jumping up to dust himself off with full vim and vigor, resuming whatever he was doing, pretending like nothing had happened.  Oh, sometimes life can be like that...laughing.

Over the last few weeks I've gotten much more serious about identifying and processing the various fears (snakes) that have, consciously or unconsciously, shaped much of my life and experience of it.  Like I suggested above, the ego hates to be wrong so doing this kind of inner work can be akin to dealing with a stubborn, impetuous and creatively manipulative child who is employing every form of resistance possible to avoid going to the heart of the matter.  Nonetheless, persistence, patience and the willingness to tackle this pit of snakes from many different angles is starting to pay off for me.

What I've realized/remembered is that there are two kinds of fear: justified and unjustified.  Justified fear has to do with real reality danger, like my house is on fire and I need to get out, a grizzly bear is on the attack, my car is spinning out of control on black ice, etc.  Unjustified fears are everything else where there is no reality danger.   That has the potential to be a pretty long list.  When these fears arise, they point to an illusion we hold about the true nature of life, and can also reflect the degree to which we've allowed ourselves to limit ourselves for fear of encountering a "snake".

Having said that, cultural conditioning and the resulting societal "norms" mean that many of us share some common unjustified fears - fear of death, fear of aging, fear of poverty and scarcity, fear of not being good enough, fear of loneliness and not fitting in, fear of authority, fear of God, fear of expressing our truth, fear of displeasing people we have identified as important in our lives, and so on goes the list.

Now that I have started to really unpack and deconstruct my fears, I am getting acquainted with many of my illusions about the nature of life.    It's a sobering process - though not without moments of total disbelief and hilarity, especially when I see that any given snake I've habitually and somewhat unconsciously feared all my life is actually a cute, furry stuffed toy with a big smile on its face.  The toy, the rope...ultimately it's a lifeline that threads through the illusion.  In grasping onto it and following it through, it can take you through the illusion to the other side, a place where your sense of self can root in much more fertile soils.

Finding Autonomy within Conflict

Last month I received what to me was a profound teaching about our human condition: "the source of all conflict is being taught and then believing that we are someone different than who we really are."

These words pierced me like a lightning bolt, raising all kinds of questions around how the inner and outer conflicts I experience in life are, in essence, a way for me to see and penetrate where the gaps are between my egoic self (who I believe I am, who I've become, and my story of self as a result of the sum total of how I've integrated my life experiences until now) and my true self (who I really am when all the learned patterns of societal, cultural, familial conditioning and expectations are sheered away along with all the stories I've written and re-written over my life to navigate all the external conditioning and expectations).

Needless to say, since hearing those words they have remained close by in the same way that a good friend holds space during times of challenging transition, all the while offering a powerful lens through which to observe myself and the world around me.

In late June I participated in my third Sundance, a very powerful experience of spirit, healing and community that was, in many ways, a long overdue homecoming.  It had been seven years since I last danced, and in the interim I had almost but forgotten my strong soul connection with this beautiful and ancient ceremony.  Just getting myself to the Sundance land brought tears of incredible joy and relief to my eyes - along with real sense of accomplishment...the sweet victory of having cut through so much of my inner bullshit and resistance to give myself the gift of the dance.

Sundance revealed to me just how open the quantum field is right now for we humans to successfully and powerfully redirect our attention away from fear-based structures and patterns to ones that are founded on vibrations of love, respect, integrity, honesty, honour, dharmic service and responsibility for life.  It really is as simple and instantaneous as making a different choice in every moment...though it takes a warrior's stance to stay out of that voracious circle of forgetting (our true self) and keep both feet in the delicious and life-affirming circle of remembering (our true self).  As I said, simple...not necessarily easy.  And that's the work that lies in front of many of us.

So where does autonomy come in?  Well, as long as we are beholden to ideas, patterns, structures, expectations, systems, institutions or aspirations of any kind that somehow embody fear, scarcity, inequality, poverty, greed, power-over, slavery, or ignorance, we limit the magnificent potential we carry as human beings.  Without sobriety and clear discernment, our unconscious or habitual adherence to many human-made laws, norms and expectations can trap, limit and entangle us in a really sticky web that will keep us from seeing who we really are.

It can be a life-transforming moment to step back and ask "Who are these fear-based laws, norms and expectations serving and why?  Do I have clarity on why I have bought into them and continue to live by them? Should  I just carry on as I've been taught, letting autopilot do its thing where the machine flies me instead of me flying the machine?  Or is it now time to let go of fear and start navigating life from a place of genuine self love, self worth, and trust and honour of the genius of your true self?  True autonomy exists by living within sacred law, not human law.

The beauty of our human experience is the extent to which we are free to continually create more vibrant, dynamic, expansive and loving realities for ourselves.  The only limiting factor is really our imagination...and of course our willingness to make and follow through on new and different choices.

Ron Gutman: The hidden power of smiling | Video on TED.com

Ron Gutman: The hidden power of smiling | Video on TED.com

The perils of sitting too much

Via: Medical Billing And Coding

Living a Chaordic Life

Last year I was introduced to the idea that life exists and is most appropriately lived at a "sweet spot" that sits at the intersection of order and chaos.  Too much order is stifling, and too much chaos is destructive.   Walking the chaordic path means being true to this "sweet spot".

This raises interesting questions for a society that is pretty darn focused on creating security, control, and predictability.  If one applies the principle that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, this "over-focus" on order would then seem to invite a counter-balancing effect from an equivalent amount of chaos.  This would seem to be somewhere near the heart of our constant dance with duality.

Hmmmm.

But if we were actually able to zone in on the sweet spot where order and chaos intersect, choosing a more middling approach - or chaordic path - where we can let go of some of our dearly loved control and embrace our creativity and inherent ability to navigate chaos, we might actually find ourselves in a rich stream of livingness that we never before imagined possible...where we "flow" with chaos as a creative force instead of being sideswiped by it as an apparent destructive force that comes at us out of the blue.

As someone who is consciously experimenting with this perspective and way of being - which requires a fair bit of courage in terms of letting go of one's conditioned desire for control and making the leap to trusting that the universe is indeed a benevolent one - the initial results are cause for optimism!  As I let go of control, I can literally feel the rush of creative energy around me - all of a sudden life has become rife with possibility, like a fruit tree laden with spring blossoms that promises a bountiful harvest.  It takes courage to jump into this expansive place of "not-knowing"...yet now that I'm here, it's a place I'd like to stay and explore for a while!

Changing Perspectives and Changing Stories

A wise teacher of mine once asserted that transformation happens in an instant as opposed to being a long drawn out process.  His point was that the moment we reach a critical and genuine new viewing point or perspective on ourselves or the world around us, it's like a switch goes off that sets in motion a cascading set of changes: changes to values and beliefs, changes to self-concepts, changes to goals and priorities, changes to behaviours, and perhaps most importantly, changes to the core story of who we are and why we are here.

Some of these things taking longer than others to realize fully, and perhaps the most juicy and fun cascading effect is the moment that we see a brand new shiny storyline and sense of identity flowing through our life and realize, in a flash, there's no turning back, there's only moving forward to live and embrace that really yummy and powerful new story.  I think the most exciting part is knowing that it is a story that is being written moment to moment, with every thought, action, dream, deed, emotion and interaction guiding and attracting the next.  It is continually defined and refined by the questions of "who are you, who are you becoming, and how are you "seizing opportunities" to expand your sense of self in practical, physical ways to ground this new storyline and sense of identity?"

It is a wonderful and magical period of awakening to new possibilities and embracing all the things that life has to offer which are attractive to you.  As I sit inside of this gleaming new energy, I am both humbled and energized.  There is nothing quite like meeting the awakened story teller inside!

Intention, Gratitude, Intuition and Fuzzy Navigation

Some people are blessed with a very clear vision of who they are and what they wish to experience and accomplish in their lifetimes.  From my own experience, they are the exception as opposed to the rule, with most folks having a relatively fuzzy sense of who they are, where they are going, and why.  The latter is not necessarily a bad thing, though it can end up in a lot of going in circles if one doesn't pop one's head up from time to time to query on goals and progress.

Over the last few months I've been experimenting with sitting quietly every morning, feeling gratitude for what I have created, what I am creating and what I have yet to create, and then asking for guidance on things I need to do or pay attention to during the course of the day.  At the end of the day, I take time to sit in gratitude again, reflecting on how the day has unfolded, and then focus on bringing further questions or intentions into my dream time.

As I engage with these practices of gratitude and intention, I often feel like a toddler who is just learning to crawl or walk.  Despite being simple, staying consistent with these practices is a humbling undertaking to say the least, as there's a part of the ego or persona that really doesn't want to change and will find all kinds of backdoors and reasons not to engage.  But I'm tenacious and becoming proud of my ability to be consistent.  To make things even better, every once in a while I get glimpses of the power of this kind of practice, whether through the direct speed of physical manifestation of intentions, or visceral experiences of what feels like my body "re-wiring" itself to be more powerful, connected and whole.  These are always golden affirming moments.

Perhaps the biggest thing I am learning through this kind of daily practice is trusting that I only need to know the actual step I am working on as opposed to every step right through to the end point, and that my best ally is my intuitive sense of what I need to do while staying aware of emerging (and sometimes surprising and unexpected) opportunities that support the creative process at hand.  In many ways it's about learning to live in the mystery of creation, breathing it in and being fully present with it, and giving up the need to force or push or manipulate things towards certain outcomes.  Indeed, there is a real felt sense that by aligning my will with the larger forces of co-creation, the outcomes will be that much grander and more satisfying.

Interestingly, in adjusting to this new way of living and engaging with my life, I'm finding that stress has all but disappeared, and I'm developing a real appreciation for the powerful creative forces unleashed through the consistent practice of intuition, intention, prayer, and gratitude.

Putting the Knives in the Drawer

The Law of Attraction first danced across my scape back in 2006 when my big sister introduced me to "The Secret".  I'm not ashamed to say that by half way into the movie I was struggling to stay awake, feeling somewhat unsettled by some of the things it was saying and presenting.  Suffice to say it was not "attracting" me at the time.

Fast forward to the beginning of 2011 and another conversation with my sister that touched on the laws of attraction and manifesting prosperity.  Having reached a crux point in my own life in terms of health and wealth, it was clear that my current matrix of beliefs and patterns were not producing the results I was looking for, so I was definitely open to something new.  I decided to purchase the Laws of Attraction and Money, the Vortex, and the Power as audiobooks, and soon found myself listening - intently and deeply - to what they had to say.  The "a'ha's" came pouring forth, and I soon found myself leaping onto a whole new trapeze of viewing and playing.

One of the biggest "a'ha's" was around cleaning up any patterns of negative thinking, self-importance, judging others or myself.  This "house-cleaning" is what I now teasingly refer to as "putting my knives back into the drawer, where they will stay unless absolutely required."  The foundational premise for doing this is that "like attracts like", so if I am unconsciously entertaining myself (or just filling the blank spaces) with any kind of negative or unproductive inner dialogue, I am very likely attracting that kind of energy into my life on some level.  No thanks, I say, no more straying unconsciously into mental realms of cutting and paring, as this serves no one, least of all myself.

Consequently I have become aware of just how quickly "cutting" thoughts can fly across my radar, originating from a highly patterned source (after all, I have been practicing for many, many years).  As a result I am now developing some skill in catching these volleys in mid-flight - at times diving for them, and other times leaping high into the air - and am taking the time to crack them open to scoop the gold inside.

As an example, an old acquaintance recently surfaced in my life, someone who has, in the past, caused me a fair amount of irritation.  When his name flashed across my computer screen, my first instinct was to recoil and think "oh no, NOT him again!"  Then I got out my catcher's mitt, grabbed the volley, and with the help of a good friend took some time to sit with the question of "why does this individual irritate me so much?".  In a matter of minutes we were able to laser in on this turnaround phrase, which put me in a place of gratitude instead of irritation: "thank you for the gift of mirroring my own tendency to self importance".

My friend and I had a good laugh about it, and I now know that this individual will no longer trigger any sense of irritation in me - indeed, on some level he has been teaching me something all along, albeit it wasn't penetrating.  Now I know that it took me putting my knives into the drawer to be able to receive and understand what that was.

To Move is to Live, To Live is to Move

This particular March morning happened to be one of those fabulous bluebird weekend mornings that affirms, in no uncertain terms, why we locals get giddy about our good fortune of living in Kimberley.  Hefting my cross-country skis on my shoulder, I decided to catch some early tracks and spectacular views of the Rockies at our local nordic centre (http://www.kimberleynordic.org).

Finding an easy rhythm on the well-groomed trails, it was easy to let my mind wander a web of trails through its own unique landscape.  Recovering as I am from some major surgery in January, matters of health and wellness, mind-body connection and attunement are often front of mind these days, and this morning was no exception.

In the time leading up to diagnosis of cancer and subsequent surgery to remove it, my acupuncturist had often observed in me conditions known in Traditional Chinese Medicine as "stagnant liver", "stagnant blood" and "spleen qi deficiency".  It is interesting how sometimes we don't really understand what we have had in terms of "dis-eases" and imbalances until we have gotten past them and are able to look back with the greater clarity and consciousness gained through successful navigation of the "healing crisis."

As I was rounding a gentle uphill bend in the trails,  full of joy and gratitude for being able to ski with such ease again, I reflected back on my life prior to the diagnosis and realized that it had been, in fact, "stuck" and "stagnant" in many ways - perhaps most importantly with respect to my own self concepts, sense of limitations, and ideas of what I am here to create.  Life was comfortable, but just barely.  Imagination was wanting.  Vision was near-sighted at best - indeed, I was loathe to examine the long term implications of my core beliefs, values and trajectory of the day.  My metaphorical "fire" was small in a stingy sort of way, and the woodpile was being closely rationed just in case there was to be a shortage.

Yikes, I say, as I look back on this last chapter with the realization that I had unconsciously allowed myself to fall into a rather dark chasm of scarcity and lack of self-belief.  Definitely not going back there again!

It was then, as I was reflecting on the past months and thoroughly enjoying the full-body movement and aesthetic of cross-country skiing in these beautiful mountains, that the words dropped into my head "to move is to live, and to live is to move."  I now know that there is no place for stagnation of any kind in my life anymore.  We are indeed here to live, to move, to learn, to create, to explore, to discover, to sense, to find what gives us knowledge and pleasure.....all the while knowing that this is a moving target as we grow, change and evolve....which means getting out of one's comfort zone fairly regularly.

So the real challenge, it would seem, is to keep up with and meet the evolutionary demand that the "higher self" is continually making upon one - gently beckoning us to discover just how big and expansive we really are (yet capable of wielding an attention-grabbing 2 x 4 if we insist on burying our head in the sand).  This is where both grace and courage would seem to be essential qualities.  Ho!

Nature Speaks, Nature Heals

Several years ago I had the good fortune to study Ecopsychology through Project Nature Connect (http://www.ecopsych.com), learning first hand how we humans and nature can communicate with one another on sensory levels in ways that can restore well-being, balance and connection inside of us.  

The core principle is very simple: when outdoors and/or in nature, allow yourself to open your senses to the environment around you; via one or more of your 53 senses, you will soon find yourself drawn or attracted to something: perhaps a particular tree, flower, scent, feeling of the wind on your skin, a bird or bug or spider's web, a dew drop or a gleaming body of water, a particular cloud or the way the clouds are moving across the sky or the shadows they are creating on the land...it can be just about anything.  

What matters is that your attention has been attracted to something via your senses and you are giving yourself permission to follow this gentle impulse and explore what has attracted you, all the while asking yourself questions like "what sense (or combination of senses) attracted me to "this", why is this particular thing attractive to me, how does it make me feel, how might it connect with something that is going on in my life/consciousness right now, what can it teach me in terms of finding better balance and connection inside of myself, etc."

Often times I will go for a walk or hike and start to follow and explore what I am naturally attracted to, allowing myself to use my senses to learn and become intimate with whatever that might be, in a way that respects and honours boundaries at the same time.  I am always amazed by the wise answers, reflections, and "a'ha's" nature provides on things I am working through for myself.  My gratitude goes to Michael Cohen for openly sharing this teaching with the world.  

Reflections on "Wellness"

This posting actually has its roots back in June 2010 when I was attending an Art of Hosting workshop in Edmonton (see www.artofhosting.com).  Focused as it was on the art of hosting powerful and transformative conversations and interactions between people, this was, hands-down, one of the best and most soul-nourishing skills training workshops I have ever attended.

Near the end of the workshop, after being given some solo time to walk and be in nature, I found myself sitting quietly in the big gathering room, waiting for all of the other students to return, and contemplating the meaning of "well" and "wellness".  

All of a sudden it struck me like a lightning bolt: to be "well" is like being a well, as in a real well from which we draw sweet and life-giving water from the earth below our feet.  A well is protected inside of the earth, just as our own wellness emanates from deep in our core.  When we are really "well", we are calm, tranquil, know the tremendous depth of who we are and that the earth will always be able replenish the waters in our well as long as we don't draw them out too quickly or in too much volume.

I have been doing some meditations where I visualize a beautiful well with pure golden water deep inside of me, and then imagine myself deep inside of that well.  The feeling of peace and a very centred kind of fluidity that comes with that meditation is a welcome salve to what seems at times to be an over-heated outer world that is constantly racing and grasping at top speed for one thing or another.

Be sure to try it out for yourself!

A Recent Epiphany About Our Relationships with "Communities"

Since moving to the relative intimacy of a small mountain town (after a lifetime of dwelling with the sense of anonymity that can accompany life in a larger city), I was deeply moved to get involved in my community to help make it the best it can be.  This translated into all kinds of activities and initiatives ranging from putting on special film nights, Earth Day celebrations, offering courses at the local College campus, organizing Green Drinks, joining the local Chamber of Commerce, volunteering time with local festivals and committees, becoming a regular contributor to our local magazine, and much more.

Doing all of this was an amazing way to hone a deeply felt sense of place, my love for this community and its heritage, establish good friendships, and glean something about the many social networks that permeate and animate this town.

Now, five years later, with the benefit of some hindsight and hopefully a little bit more wisdom, life circumstances have me stepping back and taking a bit of a breather from all this frenetic activity.  If the truth be told, "trying to make things better", depending on the attitude with which one is approaching it, can be an exhausting undertaking that sometimes feels a lot like pushing rope (or herding cats!).

Perhaps the biggest epiphany I've had is that a healthy relationship with one's community operates on essentially the same principles as one's relationship with a partner or lover: you just gotta lov'em for who they are, warts and all - because we all know the perils of trying to "fix" or "change" someone...'cos nine times out of ten that's going to backfire in some way.  And so it is with community, where trying to "fix" or "change" things can so often feel like one step forward, two steps back.

So where does that leave me?  The answer is a much more positive place...which is to stay in touch with why I fell in love with this town in the first place (warts and all) and focus my energy instead on the things I really love doing/being/giving.  I reckon that it's a lot like what Mahatma Ghandhi was getting at when he said "be the change you wish to see":  in being the absolute best I can be, I become part of the solution.